The Three Forms of Closure

For her traumatic wounds to heal, the victim of abuse requires closure - one final interaction with her tormentor in which he, hopefully, acknowledges his misbehaviour and even tenders an apology. Fat chance. Few abusers - especially if they are narcissistic - are amenable to such weakling pleasantries. More often, the abused are left to wallow in a poisonous stew of misery, self-pity, and self-recrimination.

Depending on the severity, duration, and nature of the abuse, there are three forms of effective closure.

Conceptual Closure

This most common variant involves a frank dissection of the abusive relationship. The parties meet to analyze what went wrong, to allocate blame and guilt, to derive lessons, and to part ways cathartically cleansed. In such an exchange, a compassionate offender (quite the oxymoron, admittedly) offers his prey the chance to rid herself of cumulating resentment. 

He also disabuses her of the notion that she, in any way, was guilty or responsible for her maltreatment, that it was all her fault, that she deserved to be punished, and that she could have saved the relationship (malignant optimism). With this burden gone, the victim is ready to resume her life and to seek companionship and love elsewhere.

Retributive Closure

When the abuse has been "gratuitous" (sadistic), repeated, and protracted, conceptual closure is not enough. Retribution is called for, an element of vengeance, of restorative justice and a restored balance. Recuperation hinges on punishing the delinquent and merciless party. The penal intervention of the Law is often therapeutic to the abused.

Regrettably, the victim's understandable emotions often lead to abusive (and illegal) acts. Many of the tormented stalk their erstwhile abusers and take the law into their own hands. Abuse tends to breed abuse all around, in both prey and predator.

Dissociative Closure

Absent the other two forms of closure, victims of egregious and prolonged mistreatment tend to repress their painful memories. In extremis, they dissociate. The Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) - formerly known as "Multiple Personality Disorder" - is thought to be such a reaction. The harrowing experiences are "sliced off", tucked away, and attributed to "another personality". 

Sometimes, the victim "assimilates" his or her tormentor, and even openly and consciously identifies with him. This is the narcissistic defence. In his own anguished mind, the victim becomes omnipotent and, therefore, invulnerable. He or she develops a False Self. The True Self is, thus, shielded from further harm and injury.

According to psychodynamic theories of psychopathology, repressed content rendered unconscious is the cause of all manner of mental health disorders. The victim thus pays a hefty price for avoiding and evading his or her predicament. 

Winner's Gold from Personal Garbage

Have you noticed how everybody takes it for granted a bad experience is automatically, unreservedly, unremittingly bad? That nothing good could ever come from a bad childhood, for example? 

I'm hearing the comment more and more often that we have become a victim society. Maybe this is true? Consider...

Don't we hear these comments a lot? I was mistreated when I was a child... I was a lonely latchkey kid... My ancestors got a bad break, so I'm... I lived in a poor, disadvantaged family... I grew up in a broken home... I didn't get the proper advantages... I was constantly criticized as a child...

Every one of these comments sounds a lot like self-pity, like "I can't be helped because I've been scarred beyond reclaim." 

Well, maybe all of the bare facts are true, but isn't it time to start looking for the positives that are buried in all that negative stuff?

Example: I was mistreated when I was a child... ...and as a result, I learned to be a survivor and to resist all efforts to crush my spirit. Sure I had some hard times back then, but now, I'm both tough and sensitive. I didn't learn self esteem then, but I've learned it as an adult, and I understand people better for it.

Example: I was a latchkey kid... ...and everyone treated me like an abandoned orphan. But it was great. My dad and mom fought all the time, so coming home to a quiet house was a wonderful break, and I loved it.

See what I'm getting at here? 

You have the right to take any piece of your personal history and reinterpret it to your advantage rather than to your detriment. You can find ways to turn your past to your own good.

Studies have shown that many children who grow up insecure tend to be unusually self-reliant as adults.

You don't HAVE to be filled with resentment, anger or helplessness. You COULD choose to feel something more pleasant, at least part of the time. And if you did choose to feel better about yourself, what do you think the result might be?

Did you know this is what many of the most successful people do? If they have a terrible experience, they simply turn it this way and that till they find a new aspect to emphasize. One that makes them feel better about themselves. 

Don't believe me? Go read any great person's biography. It's almost a given that winners only become winners after overcoming huge difficulties. And they overcome because they keep trying, keep learning how to control their own thinking until they get good at it.

So if you've got anything -- ANYTHING AT ALL -- in your past that drags you down, angers you or depresses you, you have the right to look at it more closely. You can find more than garbage in your past. There's gold in your history, too. And all you've got to do is learn to look for it. 

Puerto Galera Travel Guide

The Philippines is a country gifted with great beaches. The better known beaches are those found in Boracay and Palawan. Another beach or resorts worth mentioning are those found on the Mindoro's northern part in the province of Oriental Mindoro. The place is called Puerto Galera. It is locate south of Manila (130 kilometers south) and 14 nautical miles from Batangas City.

You can go to Puerto Galera from Manila to Batangas using only land routes. When you arrive on Batangas, you would then need to ride a ferry to transport you. The ferry trip will be 1 to 2 hours long. 

You have two options to go to Puerto Galera, the cheaper way or the more expensive way. The more expensive way is generally a faster way to get there. The more expensive one will make you ride the MV Super 85 Ferry and Sikat and Bus Services. Riding them is more expensive because they have no stop-overs, board the passengers directly to the ferries and are coasters or vans that are provided by the company. 

The cheaper transportation is the way of the commuter buses of BLTB, JAM and TRITRAN which can be located at EDSA-Pasay, Taft Avenue near the corner of Gil Puyat Avenue, and Buendia, respectively. The bus fares will only range from P80 (non-air-conditioned) or P100 (air-conditioned). You will then ride a ferry to go to Puerto Galera and later on would need to hire an outrigger boat that ranges from P2, 000 per banca.

When you arrive at Puerto Galera, there are limitless activities to be done and places to go. You can go to the Hidden Valley, the Mangyan Village, the Muelle Bay and the Tammaraw waterfalls. The activities that can be done in Puerto Galera are kayaking and golfing to name a few. 

For people who are fascinated by the marine life Puerto Galera also offers a variety of dive sites. The following dive sites in Puerto Galera are the Coral Garden, The Pink Wall, the Hill, the Hole in the Wall, the Manila Channel, La Laguna Point, the Sabang point and wreck, the dungeon wall, the monkey beach, Ernie's cave, and many others. 

A person who goes to Puerto Galera can also find some nice souvenirs to bring home to. They can be able to get the handicrafts that are made by the Mangyan to bring home to their friends.

There are other interesting places to go to in the Philippines. Don't simply restrict yourself to the more popular ones. The less popular places can also provide you with a memorable experience. 

The Teachings of the Sunflowers and your Manifesting Success

The Law of Attraction has many faces and sparkling facets like a precious diamond. The Law of Attraction and Manifestation works all the time whether you are aware of it or not. Some can manifest whatever they want and desire in life, some unfortunately struggle all the time to meet ends and to keep up with ever increasing problems, worries and failures. It is so because the ones who succeed effortlessly are using the Universal Laws of Manifestation to their advantage and the others to their disadvantage. 

The secret to unlimited wealth in your life is to learn how to create deliberately what you desire and dream of in your life. Luckily, you have come to the right place to learn how to manifest success. How would you like to master the secrets of the Laws of manifestation and become a co-creator with the Universe? Would you like to see and experience your dearest and deepest dreams come true? Do you want to learn how to wish for something, smile and watch the life of your dreams simply unfold before your eyes?

If you said yes I want all of that, then read on and let all your senses, your heart, mind and soul learn from the sunflowers. I call this most amazing experience the " Manifestation Teachings of the Sunflowers"…

Because you know, sometimes the Universe has mysterious ways of teaching us lessons for our own good so that we learn how to use the Universal Laws with purpose, faith and get the kind of results that we had been only dreaming of in the past.

Years ago, I had a burning desire to have sunflowers in my garden and as I began to see tall and wonderful flowers in my mind's eye I bought seeds even though my gardening skills were not high in that time. Nevertheless, I trusted in nature and chose a nice patch under my window to plant the seeds for I wanted to see the flowers every morning.

In my great excitement I forgot the bag of seeds outside and the birds took their share out of it leaving but a small quantity. On the top of that, there were signs telling another story: some mysterious animal transported seeds away and lost some along the way to the garden's end.

Days went by and a feeling of excitement and expectancy spread in my heart and body until I could see the emerging little plants. My excitement knew no end and soon enough I contracted the habit of observing the young plants which grew relatively fast as we had a sunny and mild Spring. Things went well and I attached lots of hope to my sunflowers until their heads were so big that I expected them to bloom and open up their beautiful faces the next day. In that night I couldn't sleep well because I was impatient to see my flowers blooming; I could clearly hear it rain for hours.

Early in the morning, I went bare foot to the garden, so great was my impatience and imagine my surprise and disappointment when I discovered that what seemed to be a whole army of hungry snails climbed up to the flowers hearts and simply ate them. My frustration then equalled my previous excitement. The "flowers" were still standing tall but they would never bloom, I was devastated!

In the shock's aftermath, I decided I had to plant new seeds, which I did immediately while realizing at the same time that the problem was still there: the snails would return and eat up my efforts and joy or so I thought about it at the time. In a second, I declared war upon the nasty snails and did not leave any stone unturned until I found enough information on how to keep them away from my flowers.

The first solution I implemented gave poor results as they ate up the new young stems leaving five flowers, which I attempted to protect desperately.

The rain came more often during the night and I had no means of chasing them away from the growing flowers and yet by the effect of some miracle four flowers grew up to the point where the blooming was to be expected soon. I couldn't sleep at night, I had nightmares and although that might seem ridiculous now I didn't want anything eating up my efforts and great hopes.

In that day, a friend of mine came to my place and I told her about my snail problem. She laughed and gave me a special tip I didn't find anywhere else before. I used her suggestion immediately and hoped for the best over night as the rain was again strong, which is the ideal climate for snails to climb up the flower stems and eat the hearts.

It took ages for the morning to show up before I could finally go out and check out whether I still had any flowers. The scene I witnessed was quite dramatic: lots of snails met their end at the barrier I put between them and the flowers but some got past it obviously and ate up the flowers' hearts except for one!

I was upset but also grateful for the one flower that was left and it was the most beautiful sunflower I had ever seen. Well, in my eyes at least for it is as they say: " beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

Two days later the sunflowers in the neighbour's garden attracted my attention. My curiosity guided me through the unknown parts of my garden to where the beautiful and many sunflowers stood proud and tall under the warm sun rays that morning. Dew set on their brown and golden faces and made them glisten and glitter with a myriad of diamonds like tiny stars suspended in midair. I was in for a shock when I realized that the flowers were not in my neighbour's garden as I thought but in mine! In a corner I rarely visit or pay attention to because it had thick little bushes with thorns. It seemed that whatever animal that stole the sunflower seeds, it lost some of them in that very abandoned corner and there they were perfectly protected from the snails and anything else!

The Sunflowers Teachings: what can we learn about Manifestation?

I got my sunflowers in mysterious ways, nothing got lost after all and I learned through that delightful surprise that my strong desire to get beautiful sunflowers bore fruits even though my "fight" against the snails was not too successful. It did not happen where I thought it should happen but some weird circumstances and some mysterious bushes, I thought were the ugliest plants on earth, protected the seeds from the voracious snails and offered me plenty of sunflowers. After that incident my gardening skills improved and I learned to not dismiss anything based on its looks for it might be the one thing that has the potential to make something work perfectly and my dreams come true.

even though one wish didn't come true exactly the way you wanted it to be, there is always a great lesson from observing where and how it came true in a different way. So being open to possibilities that might be unknown to you at a time might lead you to your heart's desire in an easy and relaxed manner.

the weird incident was like a miracle to me and although I cannot explain it in a logical way, it made me aware of much greater laws and forces at work in the Universe. Let go and trust that what you want will come to you in ways that you could have never seen before. Be prepared for a delightful surprise.

I learned that I did rush into my decisions because my choice of the spot to plant the seeds was not the best. Moreover, after the first evidence that the snails seemed to like the spot where I planted the seeds, I should have taken a different approach and planted them somewhere else. Perhaps more drastic protection means would have helped. And as I come to think of it, many spots would have been a better way to go about it in the sense of gathering some practical experience about the good and less than good spots for the seeds. The stress and nightmares I suffered were unnecessary and I learned to be more relaxed when engaging in any experience. It certainly taught me to try on many spots and to take into account the results that occurred after that. The most touching discovery was that I got the flowers even though I did not have all the experience I needed to handle the "project" at the time.

And the greatest of all lessons was when I discovered that my neighbor planted a whole field of gorgeous sunflowers. My dream came true in so many ways that I was grateful for the whole experience. Where I worried much, my results were not too good and where I didn't expect anything I got more than I asked for. It truly pays off to observe where your manifesting efforts are blooming and do more of that…

Happy manifesting to you and go get your free e-book now!

Karima Begag 

Same old, and brand new, DVD talk!

The war is everywhere. Not the Iraq war, but the heated battle between the HD-DVD and the Blu-Ray formats. The rising interest in that war, though needed to steer the industry in the right direction in the near future, is causing the market to miss out on present opportunities, of less than ideally explored features of DVD products.

Without the war, the industry already boasts a vast pool of products to offer consumers. Thus, ink and space in this review will focus on those under-used functions of the DVD, especially the creative concept of DVD editing and morphing.

The search phrase of "DVD morpher" on Yahoo! returns 201 000 results, with the top 3 all on Avnex's product of DVD Player – Morpher. DVD morphing is not too new. However, probably not many of us know how to "morph" DVD, though few are unaware of DVD music and pictures. DVD morphing is a concept of creative self-exploration in the high-end world of the visibles and the audibles: users can not only enjoy unmatched picture and sound quality, but also enhance the displayed image as well as modify what they hear with special effects, all to their best imagination. The "morph" tools duly refresh the developed concept of a personal entertainment experience. And with products such as the AV DVD Player-Morpher Gold's 44 video and audio effects in various combinations, your experience could truly be personal. 

Currently, there should be 8 major players in this market, with various levels of products going for as low as $30. The more expensive packages are perhaps the most value-for-money, offering complete tools to define your DVD experience the way you wish to: the above-mentioned 44 cool effects and so much more of the AV Morpher could be yours for $99.95. Such low prices could lead to a boom in the number of "morphers", when users become more demanding of their players for features such as capturing crystal-clear digital images, converting those pictures into video format and recording and burning their own versions of movies

Little does an average movie lover know that he can now easily possess such powerful tools to personalize his favourite hits, as the 8 producers are continuously expanding their sales and distribution networks, expecting sales figures to sky-rocket as much as the DVD boom of the past 7 years. Packages are getting more and more complete; users could produce a fully personalized movie disc, from picture enhancement to audio modifications and even to label printing. Yes, these convenient DVD players are increasingly allowing you such level of personalization; you could get rid of the usually bare disc cover and have your family's pictures in the pack of Home Alone II. At the moment, however, it seems that few producers offer this cover creation feature, with the rare exception of Media Morpher.

In view of the attractive prices and packages, with possibilities to go "even lower and more complete in the future", according to industry gurus, the market is going to be poised to boom. The question is not when, but how much. This defining edge of the DVD industry could help continue the boom of the fast-growing consumer goods. So, it's time to get away from the tech-war between the over-mentioned Sony and Toshiba, and bring it on with the evolving products of the under-noticed Media Morpher and ULead Systems. 

Gift Giving Customs And Suggestions For Gifting To The Japanese

To the Japanese, gift giving is a way of communicating respect, friendship, and appreciation. When meeting with a Japanese colleague or visitor for the first time, always be prepared for the gift giving ritual that has been deeply rooted in the Japanese culture for centuries. 

The following are some guidelines to keep in mind when doing business with the Japanese: 

* Gifts need not be extravagant, although expensive gifts are not viewed as a bribe. 

* When meeting with a group of Japanese professionals, be sure to give higher quality gifts to those with more senior rank within the company. 

* Always wrap the gifts you present, but remember to avoid white and brightly colored wrapping paper. White symbolizes death and bright colors are too flashy. 

* Never surprise the Japanese recipient with your gift. Subtly alert the recipient that you would like to present a small memento. 

* When presenting a group gift, be sure to allow time for the entire group to gather before making the presentation. When meeting with a group of Japanese colleagues, either present a group gift or a gift to each individual within the organization. 

It is considered extremely rude to present a gift to one individual in a group, without giving gifts to the rest of the ensemble. 

* Downplay the importance of the gift. This is common in the Asian culture. It conveys the message that the relationship is more important than the gift 

* Always present the gift with two hands. This is also true with presenting business cards. 

* Avoid giving gifts in sets of four. The word "four" in Japanese is "shi," which is also associated with the word for death. 

* Gifts are normally exchanged at the end of the visit. 

* Avoid giving monetary gifts or gifts displaying company logos. 

* Be certain that gifts are of unquestionable quality. 

* Business gifts should be given at midyear (July 15) and at year-end (January 1). 

* Products that are difficult to obtain in Japan. This could be something not sold in Japan, or something that is extremely expensive. 

* Gifts that reflect the recipient's interests and tastes. 

* Pens are highly appropriate gifts for Japanese colleagues. First, the pen is a symbol of knowledge in the Japanese culture. Second, a pen is a lightweight gift that is easy to pack and carry when traveling abroad. 

Use the Law of Attraction to Manifest Outstanding Results

If you have gone about your life feeling frustrated, angry and stuck you can transform this lower feelings and move into an outrageous state of joy and hopefulness and begin to attract greater circumstances. 

The law of attraction states that like attracts like. That simply means if you are feeling stuck and hopeless you will continue to attract more circumstances that bring about hopelessness. 

One of the fastest ways to get the law of attraction to work for you is to take a period of time and do nothing more than find the things which bring you outrageous joy. Forget about wanting a new car or more money. Focus most on being joyful. 

1) Make a list of all the things which make you completely happy. Then go out and do it. See if you can fill an entire week of your free time with activities that are fun and emotionally rewarding to you. 

2) Get a journal – Every night before bed write out your feels about the way you spent your day. Make a point to express how you felt. Your feelings are extremely important because they inform the law of attraction as to your present vibration. 

3) Each day search out activities that you may have wished to try but never got around to doing them. The more new and fun activities that you engage in the more expanded you will feel. You will naturally move into a higher more expanded state. New activities open up your inner being much more than activities that you have become too familiar with. When you are in a new environment you easily move into a more aware and open state. 

By the end of the week you will be a change in your own personal energy. Now you can begin to think more about what you would like to manifest in your life. Be clear about your desire and allow the law of attraction to go to work to do wonders in brining about your desires. 

To best apply the law of attraction you should be in a state of joy and openness. As you go through your daily activities you may not be aware of it but you do shut down. Everything becomes routine and you easily hold on to old thought patterns. 

As you change your routine and open up you begin to see some amazing changes and your ability to master the law of attraction techniques will be greatly enhanced.